The Best.

Have you ever spent a weekend in Columbia in July? If you have, you may have come to the conclusion that it was the worst decision of your life. You may have sweated your face off. And in the heat of the moment, you may have scoffed at Columbia, saying it is "The armpit of the south!" But Columbia is, in fact, "Famously hot, surprisingly cool." Or so it claims. And I, for one, would agree.

On my recent adventure to this controversial city to see that boy named William, I made a pit stop on Burke Road. Just for kicks and giggles.




The first 24 hours were a crazy good time. Monday morning called for kayaking down the Saluda River rapids with Burks. (Does that sound legit? Oh, don't doubt, because it was. Class II baby).



These high quality pictures were taken by William's survivor of a phone camera. I think that's why we look like brilliant angels surrounded by holy light.



Then the next 24 hours were a crazy good time. After spending some QT with Heather Mack and Rachel Montgomery (and getting dominated in pool by Rachel Montgomery, who is an official RN now, by the way), who do you think showed up at the door? No, not Patrick Swayze, but he came a little later to do some dancing. The front door opens up, and there stands Ms. Lauren Poleynard! All the way from Clemson to surprise me! What a woman.

This is my favorite picture of us. There are a lot of good ones. This is the one where she and I rode off into the sunset together on a moped in India. And then she almost died in a moped crash. Yes, she. Not we. But that's another story for another time.


So after, an evening of dancing with Swayze and some cuddling and snacking and sleeping next to Rachel Montgomery, Tuesday morningarrived.

Now you should know, that if you are Emily Kurtz, or someone like her, it's not every day that you get to hang out with someone famous. The events of Tuesday turned out a little differently than we might have planned them ourselves. And it was wonderful. We had a lovely Starbucks catch up with many good friends, including, but not limited to, Amy, freshly back from Uganda and Kelly, freshly back from China.

Afterwards, we decided to take a meander up towards the capitol. Now, to protect the identity of the protagonists of this story, I will use a few stage names. We will call my dear friend, Annemarie by her affectionate nickname, Lil' A. Her father, we will call Mr. V. Now you may not know this, but Mr. V is a grand, faithful, hardworking Senator for our great state of South Carolina.

Well, of course, Lil' A needed some money from Mr. V in order to buy some watermelons. Seven watermelons, to be exact. So, we trekked up the road to the Senator's office building. After security checked us for weapons (we didn't have any, because William hid his knife in a bush outside), we got on the Senator's elevator and headed up to the Senator's office. There we were greeted by the Senator's receptionist and ushered in to sit in the Senator's chairs. We then proceeded to go through the Senator's desk and help ourselves to a few of the Senator's breath mints. Don't worry, he didn't mind.

Here's Kelly chilling in Mr. V's chair pretending to be Mr. V.


Once Mr. V arrived, we all were on our best behavior. I may or may not have gotten Mr. V to sign a library READ poster to put up in my room. He pictured in the poster posing with the book, "I Love You, Ronnie," which he says he has never actually read. I don't think I've read it either. But I will now.

Well, Mr. V likes Lil' A a lot. So do we. And he likes us. So after some convincing, the plan was for Mr. V to present us to the Senate as Clemson Tigers and Lil's A's friends. Great plan Mr. V! An excellent Tuesday afternoon activity for a bunch of college grads. Nbd.

At 2:30pm we arrived at the state house, dressed appropriately in jeans, lobster shorts, tshirts and v-necks. All the important people in suits looked at us funny until Mr. V proudly introduced us as really cool people. After talking some politics with a few politicians, we got the down low on the government and found out about the hoohaah that's been going on with the national debt lately. Unfortunately the Senate was doing something fancy they call "recess" and then planned to "adjourn" shortly after, so we could not be officially presented to the Senate after all. Not this time. But next time, of course. Kelly will be giving a speech.

Here's Mr. V in his snazzy Senator suit. If you print out this picture I bet he would sign it for you. What you can't quite see in this picture is that Lil' A is wearing a pair of excellent lobster shorts. I just had to point them out. She loves when I point them out.


Do I look star struck? I wasn't. Just hanging out with my homies on a Tuesday, that's all. Please notice my casual attire. Inappropro for hanging out with Senators.


My Columbia visit ended with some excellent bonding time with some old friends and some new ones. Comida mexicana, boggling and $1 bowling with these jokers... never to be forgotten.


These guys not only agreed to be friends with me, they also agreed to be friends with Greg, who came along. They also remembered to lock Jimmy's doors. It's always a very good sign of a life-long friendship when someone remembers to lock your car door for you. So take note.

Bye Columbia!